Why does others opinions matter?

Why does what other people think of us have such a great effect on us? Why do they matter? Are they making you happy? The problem of what others think of us has been going on since forever. When someone say 'Ewe, why would you wear that?' or maybe a girl at work or school called you fat? What are you going to do about what they say? You can take it to heart and change your self to make them happy, or you can stay true to who you are and be happy! Why do we let our definition of our own beauty be defined by someone else? You are beautiful! And no one else matters! 
When I was bullied I would change to make everyone else happy. It is exhausting. I had lost who I truly was. When I was taken to the hospital one of the first thing I was asked was,
"Shawnee who are you?"  I couldn't answer, I didn't know who I was. I could of told you who my friends were and what made them, them , but I couldn't  tell you who I was. I had changed my self so much to make everyone else around me happy that I had lost sight in who I really am. I couldn't see my own true self worth or beauty any longer. While I was in the hospital my nurses and techs and social workers all asked me what I liked to do. At first it started off as, 'oh, I like to just spend time with my friends.' Later they would ask me what I liked to do and I was able to start to say, 'I like to be with animals, and I love music.' When I was finally cleared to leave the hospital they asked me one last time and I was finally able to tell them who I truly am. I said, 'I am a ranchers daughter, I love animals and music, I love to wear my boots, my buckles, a old t-shirt and jeans." Before I went into the hospital one of my friends had made fun of me because that is all I wore. I had started to do my hair down more and even curly, I wore skinny jeans, heels and flats. I had lost sight of who I truly was. But why? Why did I care so much about what other people thought? Was it because they were my 'friends'? 
When people say something about who you are, what do you do? Well, now for me I think about what they said and ask my self if it who they want me to be, or who I want to be. If what they said will make me happy. I also ask if from a week, a month, or even a year from now will what this person said matter to me, or will this person even matter to me? When someone comments on who you are, what you look like, or what your wearing. Ignore it, what they say should not effect who you are. What they say is not who you are. You can't be me and I can't be you. I can only the best me I can be each day. Be an original, because everyone knows that originals are worth way more then a copy. You are beautiful the way you are there is no need to change for anyone else. Be who you were born to be, DO NOT BE WHAT THE WORLD OR OTHER PEOPLE WANT YOU TO BE. Be yourself. Wake up in the morning look in the mirror and tell your self 'I am beautiful', 'I am who, I am.' When you say that believe it. And go through your day knowing that you are an original of you and that no one else can ever be like you.

Have you ever heard the saying 'that sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.' This is a lie. The saying should be 'sticks and stones can break my bones but words can kill me.' A broken bone will heal, and will even heal stronger then it was before. But words will never leave your mind. Since the beginning of time there has been a dictionary of names, and labels that seems to be updated every year. The things that people say can damage a persons self esteem for life. Our own definition of beauty should not be skin deep. We should not judge a person from what they look like, or what they may be. No one knows the true pain a person is going through until they take the time to listen, not to judge but to truly listen. Some may think of you as a 'popper', or even a 'cutter', those are some of the names I got called when I going though my own personal pain.
Why do we judge a person based on what they look like, there past, or even there actions? Is beauty really only skin deep? No! Beauty is so much more. Beauty is the battles we have had to fight. Beauty is the times we stood alone. Beauty is not how much you weigh, the habits you have, or even the way you look. A while ago I was called a fat cow. But I am beautiful. I haven't always been able to look in the mirror and see my beauty. When I used to look in the mirror I would only see the things I was called. Now I am able to look longer, or even 'get a better mirror' I see what others don't have to see. I see what I was created to be. I can now see my beauty. My looks, body type, or skin are NOT what make me beautiful. The struggles I have been through, the way I strive to help others are what make me beautiful. Every time I hear those name or the labels I was labeled with I KNOW that they are wrong. We all have to believe that they are wrong. Seeing your true beauty doesn't come from those around you. True beauty comes from looking in the mirror and looking back on what made you strong, on what made you, you. Seeing your beauty starts when you start to believe that everyone else is wrong! I can promise that every person on this earth is beautiful in there own way. They may not look the prettiest, or the most handsome, but if they are true to them selves they are beautiful. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Never listen to the labels and names. They are wrong. True beauty is not on the outside.  True beauty lies in the heart of each and every one of us!!  We are beautiful...

Here is a link to a video I love!
 https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjy1bW_hI3MAhUKz2MKHXIvD7oQyCkIHjAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dltun92DfnPY&usg=AFQjCNH6kcir2RubFWXg4ok1EamCQXi3Sw&sig2=VFC3a7zpuR4yYe4pQxtHWw&bvm=bv.119745492%2Cd.cGc

The Cutting Epidemic:

This year was my first year that my grades "Count" toward college, and that was scary..  My dad is on the STEM program with the state of Utah, so I knew how important my grades were and where they needed to be for college someday.  But that was hard!  I felt a need to be perfect with my grades and then everything else I did, so when I didn't get a very good grade I became very stressed.  I knew it was important to my parents for me to get good grades and I wanted to please them and everyone around me.  The stress inside me started to grow and I discovered "Cutting" on Instagram.  At first it made me feel better.  It made me forget about the bad grades and helped me feel better on the inside because I hurt on the outside.  It helped me focus on trying harder to get better grades, and when I felt like I was failing I cut myself.  My friends were doing it, and many people I know are doing it.. It felt kinda cool.  But then I couldn't stop.
In November I had fellow students bet that I would become pregnant, that hurt, it wasn't funny to me.  I started feeling fatter than I really am, so I started thinking I didn't need to eat.  Things were growing out of control and I kept cutting myself.  One of my best friends called my mom in December, she saved my life!  She told my mom what I was doing to myself and cried!  She showed me she loved me by wanting me better.  Then she did one of the bravest things ever, she called me!  She told me what she had done and that she love me.  I was mad at first because I knew my parents now knew, but I quickly realized that she had more courage than ever to tell the truth and to be my true friend!  I started therapy in December, and they put me on anti depressants, but instead of feeling better inside I started to feel worse.  I received text messages that were vulgar and disgusting.  My best friend again saved me by turning the texts into our Vice Principal.  The Vice Principal helped the text's stop from coming, but they had said terrible things and it made me hurt worse inside.  I went to therapy again and I still did not feel better.  So I turned to social media again, and I cut myself worse.  My parents had an emergency meeting with my therapist on a Saturday night after they found out what I planned on doing to myself.  But it still did not make me feel better inside.  I kept cutting.  I kept hiding it from my parents. 
After the text messages stopped, I started being bullied by fellow students.  So I continued to cut myself.  The cutting had now become a habit, something I couldn't control, something I needed to do.  I cut when I felt stressed about a test, I cut when someone said something bad about me, I cut when I felt like I had disappointed the people around me, and I thought it was making me feel better.  Because what I felt inside was empty!  On February 21st, I had one of the worst days in school that I have ever had.  I called me mom, like I did every day and begged her to come and pick me up from school.  She picked me up from school and I was at lunch hiding in the bushes outside.  She took me home and found razors I had used to cut myself again and she got scared.  She was scared for me and hurting because she didn't know how to make my pain go away, she said it was time to get me some help, and I got scared, so I ran away from home!  I don't know what I was really thinking, I just knew I didn't want to go away, and I didn't want to feel empty anymore.  I was found that night by a very nice Dance teacher I have.  When I got home, I started to understand how loved I really was.  My house was surrounded by A TON of people, I felt numb inside, scared inside, empty inside, I was ready for my nightmare to end! 
My parents admitted me to the hospital that night.  I don't really remember much about that night, but I can tell you a WHOLE lot about what I learned in the hospital that week.  My pills that I had been prescribed were not the right pills for me and were not producing Serotonin,  no serotonin equals no happy Shawnee.  After they found the right medicine, I was able to learn that I am unique, I am special.  There will never be another Shawnee Thompson around.  The world needs me, and I want to help the world.  I learned that when I cut myself I really don't feel better.  Instagram, facebook, social media, my friends, the world, made cutting look cool!  It made cutting seem like it was something cool you did.  Let me tell you the facts.  When you cut yourself your heart rate accelerates, it releases endorphins into your body.  So what feels to us like a release of our inside pain, is just a temporary solution to what we feel inside!  So was my hurt going away, no!  Did it feel like it, yes!   I was addicted.  I learned that there are many natural ways to increase my heart rate and get my body pumping to help my hurt go away.  I learned it was okay to take care of myself.  And I learned that I can talk about my hurt and that doesn't make me week, it makes me strong. 
This last week I tried out for cheerleader and I didn't make the team.  During tryouts one of the fellow girls exclaimed, "Shawnee what is that on your legs?" I told her honestly that it was where I had caused myself self harm.  Her answer, "Why would you do that to yourself?"  When I tried out for cheer I froze.  I felt the judges eyes were right on my legs, why would they want a cheerleader like me?  I am ready to answer the world why someone would want me!  I AM SPECIAL!!  Why would I do this to myself, because I hurt inside, very bad.  Because I had an addiction, I wanted to feel better inside.  I'm proud of the scars I now have!  They represent a stronger, better me, they make me who I am! They show me that I can do hard things, they show me that I am now okay!  Each person has there own happy moment.  Even if it starts out as a moment that you feel better, concentrate on that moment, let yourself have hope inside!
To all my fellow friends that have the same problem I did, be honest about what you feel inside.  It's okay to hurt so bad you don't know what to do.  There is a lot of pressure for people to be the perfect them.  I learned in the hospital that, YOU can only be the best YOU that YOU can be today!  Instagram, facebook, texting, will not make you feel better about who you are inside.  It doesn't matter how many "likes" you have!  Give yourself a break and celebrate each day that you made it!  Celebrate being you!  Have HOPE! 
Please join me in being a Team E.I.E.G.T and become my Teammate!!   

I've Been Bullied

I am Shawnee Thompson and I have been bullied. In third grade I was hit multiple times in the side. When this happened to me I decided to hide my pain and forget it ever happened.

When I made it to ninth grade I got texts telling me I was not good enough for anyone. The texts told me I would never be loved, and to also go kill myself. One of my good friends took the text to my vice principle. The texts stopped. About two weeks after the texts stopped, but other students started to bully me. They told me the same things the texts said and many other inappropriate things.
I had started to cope with the pain by causing harm to myself. My parents soon found out and sent me to a hospital for intensive therapy. While in therapy I learned many ways to build up a resilience to bullying. Since I have gotten out of the hospital I have started to help other people. One way I feel better about myself is to help others. I started a platform called Enough Is Enough - Get Tough or E.I.E.G.T.
The slogan goes like this, "Be a teammate by joining Team 8, and help stop bullying."

I have started to do public speaking on this subject to help other people and prevent bullying or at least help them to find peace and safety after they have been bullied. So I'm starting this blog. In doing so I hope to be able to help others and lift people up that feel like there is no hope. I want to provide light at the end of the tunnel for other people. This blog is part of my strategy for helping others and for helping myself. I hope to blog once or twice a week as I continue to learn things that can help others in the same situation. My plan is also to make this an outlet for anyone suffering from this plague, share ideas, share healing tools, sharing healthy ways to deal with stress. Please check back often and check the accompanying Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/Team-8-Stop-Bullying-484260378438568/?ref=bookmarks
Please join me in being a Team E.I.E.G.T Teammate and help stop bullying.